I find myself in a state of wonder. How did I arrive to this place and time in my life? Yesterday I was 22 and skateboarding to work, attending college and wondering where the road would lead after a 3 am skate through the marble covered sidewalks and and public safety garage of Austin.
Now I find myself here in Oakland training, coaching, leading rituals and basically following where the road goes. I’ve learned so much and yet I know nothing. I move through so much and yet there is an ocean of life yet still to learn. I am humbled.
The older I get the more I appreciate my parents and the sacrifices they made at such a challenging time in history to keep me in a bubble that allowed me to know “I am number one” in all things in my life. That’s not to say things are easy, far from it. But your attitude does define your day.
These are still challenging times. The hoods are off and the bigotry flows like water. I surround myself with people who love and respect me. I continue the work, to teach those who want to learn. It is all a choice. Not an easy one. To wake and stay woke in a world full of pain which needs to heal.
There is so much anger. I have my own rage, it is mine. Built upon 400 years of oppression within my bones and DNA. I am the product of those who came before me. I also am the child ridiculed and teased for speaking as I do, being an oreo and not fitting in. It’s no accident I was a skateboard punk rocker nor that I have purposefully sought to tend to all of my spiritual roots through exploration. In all my wandering I continually am brought back to my roots. The roots in my family, the roots of the teachings in my roman catholic upbringing on a military base where people showed in cut offs to Sunday best just to be present. It’s LOVE.
Love is what got my ancestors through the 400 years since the first boat settled on the american shores; love that I learned in my formative religious studies, love my parents taught me, love my sisters and I have for each other, love I have for me and love I have for you.
It is a word we have tried to remove from politics, business, health and mental health. It’s absence is what separates us from one another, causing fear of what is strange or unknown.
When we choose fear we choose separation. But I ask you why? Why do you inherently fear what you do not know or understand? Why do you judge anyone who is not projecting hate? Is there a value in it for you? What do you gain? Is it all ego and a need to be “right”? Or is it just change? Change is the only thing we can count on and one of the biggest fears we have. Fear of change keeps us stuck, locked into a past long since forgotten by everyone but you. It is no longer real or the reality the others have move on.
My sister recently gave me a copy of “who moved the cheese”. It’s a small but mighty book. She gave it to me to red about from a business perspective and yet it clearly outlines what it is in a personal manner as well. I look at those who are staunchly stuck in a perspective which serves no one but themselves, tied to a past no longer serving them or those around. Forcing others to hold fast to a ship that is ripping them apart at a soul level. I ask why, what does it serve? It’s not even nostalgia. Pretending we are something we are not, for judgement based in fear.
Choose love. Always choose love. If it’s going to be hard at lest the warmth and glow in your heart will help guide and keep you warm. Rather than the cold bitterness of being “right” in judgments based in fear. I see the pain and hear of the physical manifestations which it creates, it is sickness and death within to hold on to the poison.
Why not instead choose to step into the light, It can be scary but choose love. Faith over Fear as my big brother always said.