I find myself challenged between doing what I love and fiscal reflection of my work in the world. I know much of it is because I choose to stay in the Bay Area and that is hard. The challenge of staying in the struggle of what is true for us all these days. The need to decolonize our structures and institutions, knowing it is for the best and bringing that reality to fruition. coupled with the economic factors of a skewed economy which brings dislocation of generational families from their homes and gentrification of neighborhoods full of ungrounded individuals with little or no roots to what they are taking part in and sometimes no heart for the matter.
It is disheartening to see so much struggle and when it permiates my being it can become overwhelming. I recognize the internalized oppression and feel the tightness in my jaw, shoulders and back. I feel the rage of 400 years boiling in my bones and I cry.
I let the pain pass through me and then I get back up again to continue to move forward. Some call it resilience, persistence, it is life and all I know. To not get up is depression, fatigue, overwhelm, distress and yet it is more and more common. Some move, some have chosen suicide. I have seen more go fund me’s to get people through their financial distress and to pay for the medical bills from the dis-ease life has created in their bodies. Night guards for keeping you from grinding your teeth as you rest as you off gas the stress from the day.
This is not healthy. Yet this has become the american dream. Working too hard, fiscal challenges and distress, families being relocated for quick, slick housing for those who are making more by working themselves to death often in unhealthy lifestyles. The oppressed becoming larger and more distinct just because or just to survive.
How do we deal with this insanity? I dance with and for my spirits, I choose to surround myself only with friends who can truly support my highest good, I pray for myself, my food, those around me and for healing change. I do my best to fill my body with healthy foods, good thoughts and restful sleep. I ask to be able to let go of frustration, resentment, fear and shame and to be filled with love, joy, compassion for myself and others, humility and peace.
I am perfect just as I am, and I am not perfect. I choose to learn every day, to be open to what is and ask for guidance to make the best decisions possible, to find humor and humility in all I do and to stand tall and speak my truth against oppression, Power and privilege each and every time I feel the need. The trouble is that it is all too often and so self care in how I take care of my spiritual and mental hygiene is huge. It is a daily practice. Some days are better than others. Some nights my dreams are expansive but not restful and so I take each day anew to find my way to my center and what it needs.
Find your center, find your core, find your joy, find your grounding, find your guiding spirits and most importantly find your generously, curiosity and laughter for yourself and others before you walk out the door.