Some days are so hard and I can barely know which way is up. Some days I am beyond exhaustion and wonder why I am still upright.
Life is such an interesting journey. Spiritually speaking there is so much I am so not in charge of and other times I get how much responsibility it is to be in communion with my spirits and the work they are bringing through me.
I’m like “ you want me to do what?” You see in my mind I am a simple person. Not terribly complicated or demanding. I don’t have extravagant taste and yet I can barely afford myself. I am exactly who I am. I try to do the right thing and it hurts to hurt others.
I’m not a snob but I don’t like cheap. I like things simple, without a lot of extra. For food that means organic, shashimi, natural, farm raised if possible. I don’t like labels but I don’t sew, I like cotton and silk. I wear boots, cowboy, engineer, hiking and riding. I prefer water proof so I don’t have to slow down for puddles.
I don’t do liars and I prefer direct with integrity. I love sarcastic wit and intelligence. Which means I love New Yorkers, down home southerners and non americans who don’t placate and sugar coat. It also means I am able to offend without meaning too.
I find myself apologizing in advance to those I teach because my military brat, Texan, Panamanian, no nonsense, pragmatic approach to many feels like I’m arguing when I’m asking for help. This happened today with my project manager. It was funny to realize and not a big deal in the end and yet it is something I am keenly aware of when it comes to my personality and how I come across.
I have mad skills in encouraging people to feel and subsequently cry when they have no desire to do so. It’s caused a few family members to avoid me to say the least. But as my mother says “she’s never had to bail me out of jail and I’m honest to a fault”. Now add the spirits to that!
My sister recently was telling me about something in the brain regarding autism and how they don’t filter what they think and say exactly what’s on their minds. She was saying it’s a good thing I have that because I am already too direct! I often find myself saying “my filter fell off!”.
And then I channel.....
People really don’t want to hear that much truth in reality. I tell friend “why would you call if you didn’t want to hear my mouth run?” I can’t not tell that truth. I do ask before I start because sometimes people just want to share and don’t want anything back. But honestly, don’t ask if you don’t want to know! Even “how are you?”, don’t ask if you don’t want to know, I’m not saying you need to care but honestly. I laugh when people say they didn’t really want to know, it was a platitude. Find another one.
That’s an issue in today’s world, we ask questions we don’t really care about the answer or truth. We should. It’s connecting. Building community. We all want to feel heard. So please if you don’t care try not to ask and if you do ask try to listen.
I spent today in so much spiritual bliss. Being with ancestors, and spirits from my different traditions. You know you don’t need drugs to get high, Spirit work is it. Feeling full and connected to spirit, family and community is so important for our souls. I am amazed at the ways Spirit wants me out there and now!
I feel blessed to be present with spirit and my journey. Don’t misunderstand me, it’s not smooth or easy. I am often delirious from going so hard but it’s worth it to be doing what my purpose is revealing. I have only a glimpse of where I am going and what I am doing and that is just fine. As long as I understand the next right step I’m good. Cause honestly I would just get overwhelmed with it all, too many details to keep up with and it takes a village to raise me, which apparently is being revealed. A community of my own which becomes family in the end.
Find family, build community, trust spirit, love and know thyself. It’s not the destination it’s the journey.
Feel your blessings!